


That Smile

by Miss_Bubblegum



Series: What was erased [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Adoption, Angus is Lucretias son, F/M, Gen, Memory Alteration, Unplanned Pregnancy, canon typical language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-28 19:45:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11424891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Bubblegum/pseuds/Miss_Bubblegum
Summary: Lucretia thinks that she is sick at first, but she isn't quite right.After all, a child is not a sickness.





	That Smile

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Respite](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11468340) by [epersonae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/epersonae/pseuds/epersonae). 



> My friends told me to write this, so if you don't like it take it up with them.  
> But i hope you do like it.

Lucretia was not well.

It started a few days after she erased the memories of her friends (family), on the day she walked Merle to the beach where he would be happy.  
Doing her best to keep it hidden from Merle who would want to help, the kind person he is, and would give him memories of her that she could not erase this time. She couldn’t risk him trying to look for her so hiding how sick she was feeling was the only option. 

As soon as she got into the Starblaster though, she had to book it to the bathroom, barely making it before she was sick. In her haste she didn’t close the door and she felt Davenport rubbing her back wanting to comfort her as she was crouched over the toilet losing what looked like everything she ate for the last day or so. 

It was stress. Stress can make you feel nauseous right? She was stressed enough for it too, looking for Barry wherever she could, worried about him wandering around with no memories. Looking for Lup where she thought she would have gone, near the glassings. 

But Barry never showed up, and the glassings stopped. Lup must have found a way to stop it, tracking down her relic and hiding it somewhere it hadn’t been found again yet. 

And she wasn’t getting better. Every other day like clockwork she would feel nauseous for a few hours then lose her cookies in the bathroom. 

Maybe it was guilt? She certainly felt guilty enough about what she had done to her friends to protect them, despite knowing it was the right thing to do. She had to do it to make sure they were happy. 

They weren’t happy here no matter what they said, the last couple of months were miserable for everyone. She was almost always stuck in her room rewriting her notes so she could save them all as everyone else looked for Lup and waited for more horrible news about what they had done to this world to arrive. 

She remembered Magnus trying to cheer her up though. A few weeks ago, on a trip to the galley for food he saw her in there and gave her one of those smiles she had fallen for years and years ago. He sat next to her at the table and told her bad jokes until she was laughing, leaning against him so she wouldn’t fall over.  
He got her to walk with him around the ship, so they wouldn’t hear Taako complain about people kissing in the kitchen and contaminating the food, where they could kiss whenever they wanted. It hadn’t stayed kissing either when they got to Magnus’ room….

“They are happy. Magnus is In Ravensroost right now having the time of his life in a workshop where he can carve whatever he wants. It’s better this way. He’s happier,” She tried to tell herself in her room, hugging her pillow and looking at the painting she had of her friends, “I can do this on my own and when I’m done they will have nothing to be sad about and I can get them back.”  
She couldn’t remember when she started crying but her face and pillow was wet when she got up to try to eat something, she couldn’t die and leave everyone, she had to keep her strength up with this strange illness.

On her trip to get her Relic back from those who had it in Neverwinter she had forgotten how faint she was feeling sometimes, another symptom of this strange illness she had, making her feel dizzy sometimes and more tired as the day went on. And she couldn’t take a train or horse either, she had been having motion sickness recently even in the Starblaster which gave you much less to be motion sick about. She vowed to get checked out in Neverwinter too, she was so sick of this illness.  
That was all put on hold when she got there though, as Neverwinter was the sight of a not so small civil war. One side was using the Bulwark Staff to ward and defend their side as they were attacked day and night by their enemies.  
She watched from multiple places, trying to find the best place to sneak through the line and grab it, but soon realized she could not do it alone, she would need help.  
There wasn’t many places she could go to for help anyway, any passing adventurers were drawn to a side in the war and the locals thought she was plain crazy for trying to get something like that alone. No one was willing to help her get the staff, they wanted it for themselves. 

Until she noticed she was being watched and followed by an older gentleman all over town. Every tavern she went into to ask for help, every time she scouted the lines, he was there. Standing 50 feet away watching her, rain or shine. But he never came closer. He just watched. 

If he came closer to her she didn’t know what she would do, it was hard to lift her arms to do normal things these days, could she fight when sick? What would happen if she couldn’t? What did the man want?

She found out one day in a tavern where she was just shot down yet again trying to hire someone to help her, when the man slid into the booth opposite her.  
“Hello Miss. You sound like you’re in the need of someone who knows this city and how to get reliable information.” He began, smiling at her with both of his hands on the table, “And I can help with that.”

Lucretia looked up at him, suspicious but not wanting to chase away the only friendly person in this goddam city, “You can? So what are you, a criminal, a smuggler?”

“No I am a detective. Patrick McDonald, at your service. I was hired to tail you by some…..concerned citizens, but I told them that you were nothing to be overly concerned about. You are not going to attack the citizens of Neverwinter are you?” he said with a small smile.

“Of course I’m not, I just need the staff. Then I leave. You will get paid handsomely for your help of course too,” she said trying to hide her excitement with a sip of her Vodka on the rocks much to the clear displeasure of Patrick.

“You shouldn’t be drinking such hard liquor while pregnant,” he said looking at her glass with a raised eyebrow, causing an instant spit take from her right onto his face.

She couldn’t be pregnant she had so much to do oh my gods how could she take care of a baby while making the world safe for her friends? How could she put someone so small and vulnerable in such danger?  
But she couldn’t terminate either, she loved it already, the baby that was half her and half Magnus, what could she even do?

 

It was three days later, with barely a moment to spare, that her and Patrick ran from the front lines of the war, her staff wrapped in her robe to prevent temptation for Patrick. 

“What are you going to do now Lucretia, now that you have your prize?” He asked while getting his breath back, he was no longer a young man after all.

“Go home and figure out what to do next?” she said trying to breathe herself, “Try and find another relic and save the world?” 

“You have high hopes for someone working alone.”

“Well I am going to do it, I have to, and that’s more than just hope.”

He smiled at her and chuckled, “Yes of course miss, how could I ever be so blind?”

She smiled back, “Just make sure it doesn’t happen again Patrick.”

“Of course,” he said before getting more serious, “You know my door is always open if you need help Lucretia right? I don’t like the thought of a young adult like you having so much on your shoulders.”

“Yes Patrick, I know. Thank you.” She said thankfully, “I will keep it in mind. Try and contact me if anyone here starts giving you trouble ok? I think I have a way to stop that quickly.” 

“I will keep that in mind. Come by anytime, I could use the company.”

 

When Lucretia got back to the ship with her relic she immediately put up wards and defenses so she could be safer, her and Davenport could be safe. He was still on the ship, saying almost nothing other than his name. He came to her as soon as she stepped aboard, appearing to check her over for injuries. He always did this to the crew after they came back from splitting up, the worrywart. Feeling tears prick her eyes she turned away from him, unable to deal with the memory alone. Too painful.

Despite not knowing what this place was, or who she was to him, Davenport had been sticking around. He showed no desire to leave the ship and she did not want to kick him out into the world as helpless as he was, nothing she could do helped either. Every day, she looked at the evidence that what was right was not always easy, saw him look at her in confusion.  
Yet he still tried to help her. He rubbed her back when she was sick, brought her food from the galley when she was too busy to remember to eat, made her go to bed when she was getting tired. All of it without prompting. She wondered what he thought when she would just hug him and cry and say static to him. How much of her captain was still in there? Would he forgive her for what she had done?  
Would he put together why she was so emotional, so tired, why her middle was ballooning out? 

Would he be able to tell her if he had?

 

What is the most painful thing in the universe? 

Depends on who you ask.

Depends on when you ask.

 

Ask Magnus Burnsides when he worked in the Hammer and Tongs in Ravensroost, before the revolution. He would say a 3 inch long splinter that got in his thumb once.

Ask Taako when he had his show, he would say when people blew him off telling him he wasn’t talented.

Ask Lucretia the day her son was born and she would say Childbirth is, it was on her mind, as she had to go through it alone, having locked the door not wanting her captain to see her so low.  
Ask her a week later though, and she would say giving up her son.

She had traveled to Neverwinter, to her friend Patrick McDonald’s house. He remembered her quite well, and hugged her when he opened the door with a smile. He took her bag and hung up her cloak for her, having her sit as he readied tea for her. 

“I am very happy to see you again, I had almost thought you forgot about me,” he chuckled over his cup of tea as they sat across from each other. 

“Why, I could never forget you Patrick, You are one of my closest friends at the moment.”  
“Is that so? Well I’m glad you came, you have the weight of the world on your shoulders still?” he chuckled, and gave the little nest of blankets on an adjoining chair that held the baby a glance. 

“Just about. I did want some time away from my responsibilities though, so I came here.”

“Good choice. I do have several empty guest rooms here, you are welcome to stay as long as you like.”

“Several empty rooms? I didn’t think your house was that big.”

“Well I do live alone. I have never had much interest in romance or marriage so here I am, an old bachelor.”

“Is it the responsibility or..?” She leaned forward, thinking that this could be the moment where her plan would be shattered before it truly began or it would be made airtight.

“No I just am not into people like that. Aromantic asexual I believe is how to describe it. I had always planned on adopting actually, but it was never the right time and now….I am a bit old to be considered a candidate to those running orphanages I am afraid.” He said with a little prompting giving Lucretia a questioning look.

“That is quite a shame, you would make an excellent father I believe Patrick.”

He gave a laugh, “More like Grandfather at my age. If I adopted some child now that’s what I would have them call me. But enough about my Lucretia, you have told me next to nothing about this little thing,” he said smiling in the direction of her son.

“You can hold him, just make sure to support his neck,” she offered trying to hide her emotions. 

He lit up and carefully picked up the newborn, cooing at the baby and looking a natural. “He’s a boy then? What’s his name?” 

It was now or never, make or break. “I thought I would let you decide Patrick, as I am not keeping him. I thought you would be a good parent.”

He stared at her gob smacked. “Lucretia you don’t mean that-“

“Patrick I heard how much you adore children the last time I was here, how kind you were, and saw how kind you are. I cannot keep the baby, I have so much work to do and it would be putting him in danger. I cannot allow him to be put into danger, I want him to grow up as someone’s first priority and be safe,” she said, begging him almost. 

Patrick was not a dumb man, he knew Lucretia better than someone knowing her such a short time would be expected to. He was also the best detective in Neverwinter, maybe even the world. He realized very quickly that she was being honest, and how much this meant to her. 

“I think I will name him Angus, after my best friend growing up.” He told her and saw the relief and pain in her face. 

“Angus sounds like a good strong name for such a good smart little boy.” The name brought to mind another, it would be close enough to Magnus to be a suitable reference to the father that he would never know.

“Lucretia not to burst your bubble but you told me he was a week old, babies this small cannot be anything other than loud or quiet.”

“You’re telling me that Angus McDonald doesn’t sound like the smartest name you have ever heard?”

She left several days later, knowing that Angus was in good hands, Patrick would love him and raise him better than she ever could. She saw the little nursery thrown together on short notice and gave her son one last kiss to the forehead before leaving, placing him in the crib of the room half walled with bookshelves. 

When she got back to her home she only cried for a month too.

 

Time after that seemed to both last forever and compress at the same time. She faced wonderland, taking a penalty to not forget her baby, and came out aged 20 more years without the ability to read without glasses. 

She founded the bureau, put fail safes in place, and watched it all fail anyway. No one from this plane could resist those fucking relics. 

Until one day there was an egg in Fishers tank. There was a second Voidfish, a chance to bring her friends up to help her. 

 

Anyone could forgive her if she got tunnel vision right? Hadn’t remembered how aware and sentient Fisher was, hadn’t realized that Fisher would remember that it had a baby. 

While she had hurt when she gave up her baby it was at least her decision, and it still hurt her every day, how would she have felt if it hadn’t been her decision? If her baby had been stolen by someone she trusted?

 

When she saw Magnus, Taako, and Merle again she had to hold back her urge to hug them. Her friends were on the same place as her again. She could talk with them, keep closer an eye on them. 

Sending them on missions to retrieve relics was always dicey, she never knew if they would be ok, or what they would meet. 

Sending them to get the oculus brought another surprise, they had made friends on the train. A boy detective and a McDonald. It would appear that Patrick took on an apprentice at detective work. 

She still felt bad about accidently erasing his first name when trying to get thugs in Neverwinter to stop bothering him. 

So she noted it and wanted to see if Patrick or his apprentice had any interest in the bureau and what they did, so she would keep an ear out for detectives getting close to the trail of the bureau.  
Maybe she could recruit the apprentice…..

 

Maybe she had wanted to misunderstand the Reclaimers when they had come back with the oculus. Maybe she had wanted to hear that the McDonald was a different person as the boy detective.  
Because in front of her was one boy, average sized for his age of 10, looking up at her with a smaller version of a grin she had fallen in love with on his father decades before.  
“Hello Ma’am, my name is Angus McDonald, World’s Greatest Detective!”

It was all she could do to not show her emotions, show how shocked and horrified and happy she was that he was here.

Hiding information from a detective was never easy. Especially one that you think has a suspicion about what you are hiding. She had no illusions that Patrick, the man Angus always referred to as ‘Grandpa’, had lied in any way to him. Patrick would have told Angus everything he could remember about her if he had asked. And aging 20 years only slightly helped there, after the boy detective found out about magical ways of aging faster she couldn’t even have that as cover any more. 

That wasn’t to say that she was avoiding him. In fact she tried to make it clear that he was allowed in her office at any time, and was able to talk to her about anything. She wanted to know who he was as a person, what things he liked, his hobbies, everything. To be too eager would give up the game though, make it next to impossible to get to know her son even as he goofed around with his unsuspecting father, Taako, and Merle. 

 

When you live big you fall hard. 

That is true no matter who you are. 

And with how much Lucretia relied on misdirection and lies she fell so hard to the point of maybe never being able to recover. 

She looks at all of the boys in front of her looking at her with horror in their eyes, and tries to find out a way to explain herself, and she gets only a few words out before seeing Magnus burst in with the entire fucking Hunger on his heels.  
Their talk would have to wait.

It was after the final battle with the Hunger, after the wounded were taken away to be healed by whoever had spell slots left, after Lucretia was pushed into the room that used to be her office, that she was pushed into a chair and there was a heavy silence as everyone tried to figure out what they wanted to ask first. Taako, Barry, Magnus, Davenport, Angus, Merle, Lup, they all looked at her in anger or confusion or a horrible mix of the two. 

It was Davenport who broke the silence.

“There is so, so much that I want to yell at you about. So much that I want to ask you, but I think that first I should know what the fuck you did with your baby.” He said in a flat angry tone.

Everyone turned to face him.  
“What?” Magus asked incredulously

“Lucretia had a baby years ago, and one day she left with it and came back without it and proceeded to cry for a fucking month,” Davenport explained staring Lucretia down in her seat, as she tried to pretend she wasn’t affected by what he was saying, “So what the fuck did you do Lucretia?”

“The right thing,” She looked away, trying also not to look at Angus or Magnus who had identical looks of shock and dawning realization, though for different reasons. 

“Lucretia when was this?” asked Magnus slowly, the horror in his voice evident despite her looking at the wall.  
“Eleven years ago.”

 

“Lucretia I’m going to ask you again, what the fuck did you do?” Davenport was getting angrier, more scared that she had done something unforgiveable.

“I couldn’t raise a child and look for the relics. I had to make a choice,” she said avoiding the question once more. 

Now everyone was looking at her with horror, all getting the wrong impression. 

All except one. 

Angus McDonald, world’s greatest detective was looking at her slack jawed, all of his suspicions confirmed.  
But no one was looking at him.

“Lucretia you-you……..Tell me right now Lucretia, was the kid mine?” Magnus demanded. 

“Magnus I didn’t know before what I did with Fisher-“

“That’s a yes then? Holy shit Lucretia, were you just not going to tell me that I HAD A KID? What the fuck?” Magnus was getting angrier by the second, which was not a good sight directed at her, “And did god knows what with the kid too! You robbed me of ever knowing my kid Lucretia!”

“I didn’t rob you of that, you met him just fine on your own.” She said softly, yet loud enough for him to hear, looking at him in the face, knowing she deserved the anger he felt. As she looked, she felt her eyes drawn to Angus, inching closer to Magnus with a look of shocked disbelief on his face. 

“What?”

“She said you met me just fine sir,” Angus spoke up. 

Lucretia nodded at him blinking back tears as her son smiled at her while everyone stared at him.


End file.
